*doctor delivers baby* congratulations its a healthy boy! *slaps butt and the baby starts crying* oh… how unfortunate, he’s a pussy ass nerd.. should i dispose of him or are you okay with this
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
What I’m trying to say is I think I love you again.” —(via oxfay)
You can always tell when someone’s full of shit by quoting “E.E. Cummings” instead of “e.e. cummings”
He used E.E. sometimes but no.